May 2014

Mammoth Cave National Park
Cave City, Kentucky

We like touristy fun. Can’t help it, it’s a cheap thrill. Old-timey tourist attractions are the best. The splendor of Nature is preferred. Local oddities down a country road where we can easily ride the motorcycle. And all at our own pace, unhurried and rambling about on a whim. Pretty much the opposite of Disney World and ocean cruise vacations.

Here in Cave City, on the fringes of Mammoth Cave, we found just the right mix of ticky-tacky tourist stops and outstanding natural caverns. The local attractions were probably in their prime back in the 60’s and now sport a well-worn patina from decades of entertaining tourists. However, the multiple cave attractions in the area have steadily improved their presentation over time, some hosting visitors since the 1890’s. 

We’ve spent the long holiday weekend exploring, and here are the highlights of our adventures: 

Mammoth Cave

This large national park is accustomed to crowds. There’s ample parking with attendants directing traffic, a hotel and restaurant on site, and a hefty visitor center bustling with helpful rangers. We arrived for a cave tour early in the morning and the place was already packed. Multiple tours with various levels of exertion are offered, and the rangers are careful to explain how many stairs must be surmounted and whether your hip replacement can handle the workout. We opted for a self-guided tour through the main chamber rooms, skipping the long wait and lingering as much as we liked. It was a good choice, as we had the place nearly to ourselves and we dawdled in the cool cavern air a good long time.

The main chamber rooms are gigantic, immense, and dizzily tall. This is the prime feature of the front section of Mammoth Cave – enormous limestone rooms which are void of any formations, like stalactites. The space is so large that pictures are useless. It’s a place that is better felt than photographed.

Rock Shops

Since Mammoth Cave is the main attraction in these parts, everything around here is devoted to Rocks. There are rock shops on every corner, in every barn, and all the restaurant lobbies. What kind of rocks, you ask? Anything that’ll make a buck – from pricey fossils and geodes to colored glass trinkets and marbles.

Onyx Cave

Over in Cave City we found the smaller and more intimate Onyx Cave. Privately owned and wet with natural springs, it hosts some unusual curtain formations and rust-colored stalactites. Our tour guide, Missy, was a geologist and she gave a lively account of Kentucky’s 4000+ caves. It’s her personal goal to visit them all.

The Olde General Store

Owner Leroy Alvey has spent a lifetime amassing a collection of old-time implements and items. If it’s rusty or dusty, it’s here at the General Store. His motto: This is no museum. This junk is for sale! Guarantee you’ll find at least one item you recognize – hey, I have that!

Guntown Mountain

Back when Tim was a kid, Guntown Mountain was the place to go. It was a wild west tourist town located on a hilltop, replete with dance hall girls and gun-toting sheriffs. The saloon served sarsaparilla sodas and a shoot-out in the street was performed several times a day. You arrived via a chair lift to the top of the mountain, or for the more faint of heart a shuttle bus clambered slowly up the back.

Of course we had to visit so Tim could relive his best childhood memories. The parking lot seemed a bit empty for a holiday weekend, and when I bought the entrance tickets the gal told me, “It’s just a ride up and a look around.” She even repeated it, but I didn’t understand until we exited the chair lift at the top.

The place was deserted. No dance hall girls. No sarsaparilla. Just a bunch of derelict buildings with mouse droppings in the corners. Turns out the park was recently sold and the new owners opened the chair lift just for this weekend. We strolled around anyway, with Tim recounting stories of how lively and fun the place used to be. Nowadays it’s “just a ride up and a look around.”

Diamond Caverns

We ended our weekend at the splendid Diamond Caverns, a privately owned attraction within the national park boundaries. This was the best cave yet, with excellent formations and pools, well placed lighting, and surprising turns and twists that made the walk even more interesting. This long-running cave tour (over 150 years!) is certainly the gem of the area, and highly recommended.

Jellystone Resort
Cave City, Kentucky

It’s Memorial Day weekend and we’ve traveled a couple of notches south to relax near Mammoth Cave National Park. The national park offers only primitive campsites, which means no electricity (horrors!) so we are staying a few miles down the road at an RV resort. In this part of the country, the term “RV Resort” is loosely applied and commonly means a giant family playground with lots of places to plug in a trailer. We’ve encountered this type of campground before, so a full description of this unique kind of property is hitherto presented.

When camping at a huge family campground without the requisite family in tow, it helps to lower expectations and keep a good sense of humor at the ready. With a name like Jellystone Campground, you pretty much know what’s going to be in store for the weekend. Right, Boo Boo?

We arrived early Friday afternoon and there were already several campers lined up at the entrance. Standing under a blue and white umbrella, smiling and freckled attendants helped us check in. They passed us a map of the property (130 campsites plus 70 cabins), a list of rules and regulations (pets on leash, proper swimwear), a program of holiday events (all you can eat waffle breakfast at the ranger station) and two bright orange wristbands to be worn at all times (which were promptly tossed into the bottom of my purse).

The entrance road winds up a small hill toward a wooded area. At the top is a large camp store and concession and several activity pavilions. We passed by three pools, a water slide, miniature golf course, driving range, horseshoe pits, and the Jumping Pillow which is a brightly colored inflated mattress the size of a small lagoon. I can happily attest that it offers a dizzying bounce which must performed barefoot.

The campground sprawls downward from the hill in a befuddling jumble of winding roads, cul-de-sacs and circles. Some streets are paved, some are gravel, and cabins and campsites are mingled together in fuzzily outlined sections. Betwixt and between are shady green areas that sport candy-colored playgrounds and bathhouses. Added to this helter-skelter layout are 200 camping families and all the accessories and accoutrements they can possibly carry with them.

There’s cars and trucks, motorcycles and bicycles, volleyball nets, corn hole frames, barbeques, pool floats, lawn chairs and hammocks, awnings and canopies, toys and tools, fire pits and wood, picnic tables and coolers, and lines of wet bathing suits and towels strung between anything vertical. Trailers and motorhomes are parked at odd angles, tents are pitched at random, cabin renters loll on the porches, and dogs of all sizes are leashed to any fixed object. And everywhere are electric golf carts, which can be rented at the ranger station.

For these few days, Jellystone Campground becomes a city of weekend refugees. A conclave of purposefully transient people, peacefully going about the business of summer recreation. And amidst this jumble of trailers and tents a friendly community forms. People wave as they pass by, share a marshmallow over a fire, or help to fix a fussy leveler jack, Kids roam freely and unsupervised – come back when you’re hungry – exploring and playing in groups with cousins or friends. And at night everyone quiets down and tucks in early after a busy fun-filled day.

It’s really remarkable. And yet in a way, this is how it’s is supposed to be. Safe, secure, and peaceful in the company of strangers. The park is well patrolled, the gates are locked after dark, and only campers have the right to be here. This is typical of the family-fun camping resorts to be found in the Midwest. And since we’re here, we’ll enjoy it.

 Camp Life